…the doctor’s office.
Honestly, I’ve spent more time in doctors’ offices in the last two weeks than I ever wanted. You know, when something like this happens, you just have to shrug your shoulders, set your spine and face it with a sense of humor and determination. So for your amusement, here are a few snippets from the last few weeks.
First off, I give you my new theme song, from the Tony Award® winning Broadway musical, “Avenue Q”. The opening song, It Sucks to be Me!
Next up, some snippets of conversations and readouts. You say and see the damnedest things in meetings and reports like these. For instance….
Me: “Jeez honey, I’ve been felt up more in the last week and a half than I have before in my entire life!”
DH: “Boy, if I had only known, I would have changed my major in college and gone to med school!”
Doctor: “You’re not a candidate for Medicine a, but Medicine B is just as effective, maybe more so. The thing is that we’ll have to surgically induce menopause.”
Me: “Okay, so about this surgically induced menopause – can I get a tummy tuck out of the deal?”
Doctor: “It’s spiculated.”
Me: “Oh, that sounds so… kinky!”
From a report: “The patient has a paucity of fat in her abdominal cavity.”
Me: “Well, shit yeah, I’ve worked out 4 days a week for the last 25 years. I better have a paucity of fat, dammit!”
“I’m going to start putting notches in my belt every time some new person fondles me.”
Doctor: “I need to ask you a question.” (gets very earnest look on face)
Doctor: “Is there any possibility at all that you might want to have another baby?”
Me: “Hell no!!!”
In all seriousness, thank you to everyone for all your kindness, good thoughts, prayers and sweet notes. It’s really touching in a way I can’t describe without kvelling. I’ll take them all; please keep them coming. Everything will be okay, and I’m going to beat this little bastard. In the meantime, life will go on. And speaking of which, I’m going to start on a Jalie top for my niece for Christmas. I had hoped to have it done by now, but as you can imagine, I kinda got sidetracked. I’m making her this Jalie top:
From this Fabulously Cozy Cotton Sweater Knit from Gorgeous Fabrics (natch!)
I think she’ll like it, and it will be super cute on her. Stay tuned and I’ll review it in the next day or two.