This letter was left for my son after he had 4 permanent teeth and one baby tooth removed today in prep for braces:
To: Edward XXXXXXX
From: The Tooth Fairy, LLC
RE: Discharge of Tooth Payment(s)
Congratulations on the completion of your baby tooth payment schedule. As a bonus for the removal of four permanent teeth, enclosed is payment for the additional $8.00 ($2 per tooth) plus the requisite $1 for the remaining tooth. A $1 bonus for any baby teeth that are removed before the age of 14 is included. Now please do not darken our pillows again.
Our best wishes with your wisdom teeth. The good news is, according to Dr. Fontaine, you only have two. Please do not call or email about them. They are hereby and formally forthwith the problem of your health plan or that of your parents.
Cuspilinda the Great
Holy bicuspids, Batman, what the hell is this world coming to?